Skrinkering Hearts

Brookem? 

What comes to mind when you think about a blogger’s blog you read regularly?  How do you picture them to be in real life?  Would they bore the shit out of you or bring out your best qualities?

Enough with questions already.  In case you haven’t figured out yet, I’m not Brookem.  I’m Egan.  I started reading Brookem’s blog in March of last year.  Crazy as it sounds, it’s amazing how well you can get to know someone in such a short amount of time.   At first it seemed we bonded solely over shared birthdays (May 4th), but then I learned so much more about the kind hearted soul that is Brookem.

If someone ever shrugs their shoulders when you proudly tell them you’re a blogger.  In your head you can quietly think to yourself about all the wonderful connections you’ve made on the internet.   All the great stories you’ve read; including memes or stories about Tom Cruise. 

Geez, I’m going to nip this in the bud before I lose all of Brookem’s regular readers.  My main point here is I love how well you can get to know someone simply by reading their blogs.   Brookem is no different.  She shares lots of personal information with us, thus snaring her readers.  Sure she could be avoiding telling us lots of stuff, but the stuff she does share is so real.  It’s something so many of us can relate to.  This is a very good quality, one to embrace.  You rock girl!

First of all, let me start by saying I’m not brookem. I’m Brandy. I’m sure you would have figured this out eventually since I know nothing about Saved By The Bell (this is my burden) and although I enjoy a good head of hair, I don’t have the good HOH radar that dear Brookem has (she needs to figure out a way to make money on this talent). She asked me if I wanted to do a guest post and I said “Absolutely!”, because a) it’s always been a secret wish to be asked to guest post and b) when someone as nice as brookem asks you for a favor you don’t say no. You say, “absolutely!”. Because she’s one of those people who’s so darn nice you just want to do nice things for. Sort of like Princess Diana. Or Betty Rubble.

I’ve got to know Brookem better over the months and the one thing I can say with 100% certainty- the girl has excellent taste in music. Anytime I’m really excited over a new singer (Jenny Owens Young, look into her) and I go to tell her, she’s already heard of them. And most likely she’s seen them in concert. And jammed with them on their tour bus while doing shots of tequila.*

I’ve found that what makes me love a song isn’t always the beat, the tune or the sound of the singers voice. Sometimes, I will listen to a song on repeat for a few weeks minutes because there’s one lyric that I just Love. Love with a capital L. A lyric that feels like it was written by the smartest, most articulate part of me because it sounds like it grew from my life. Or a lyric that tells a story in a single breath. Or a lyric that takes me to a memory I had almost forgotten, or one that I know I never will. One lyric can make me weep, give me goosebumps, cause me to drop all my plans and run to the music store and push elderly people out of the way until I’m holding a copy of the CD I covet. So, I present to you…

**Today’s Top 10 Favourite lyrics

1. “I could make you happy/if you weren’t already/ I could do a lot of things and I do /… She’s not really my type but I think you two are forever /and I hate to say it but you’re perfect together so fuck you”- Ani Di Franco “Untouchable Face”

2. “The smell of hospitals in the winter/ And the feeling that it’s all a lot of oysters and no pearl/ And all at once you look across a crowded room/ To see the way that light attaches to a girl”- The Counting Crows “A Long December”

3. “It might sound silly/ for me to think childish thoughts like these/but I’m so tired of acting tough and I’m gonna do as I please/Let’s get married/in a big cathedral by a priest/ coz if I’m the man you love the most/ you can say I do at least”- ” The White Stripes “Hotel Yorba”

4. “I’ve been a bad, bad girl/I’ve been careless with a delicate man/ And it’s a sad, sad world/when a girl will break a boy just because she can.”- Fiona Apple “Criminal

5. “What a field day for the heat/A thousand people in the street/Singing songs and carrying signs/mostly say Hooray for our side”- Buffalo Springfield “For What It’s Worth”
6. ” We got loud guitars and big suspicions/Great big guns and small ambitions/And we still argue over who is God”- Sheryl Crow “Hard to make a stand”

7. ” I don’t see myself when I look in the mirror/I see who I should be.”- Starsailor “Into the crossfire”

8. “It’s a matter of instinct, it’s a matter of conditioning/It’s a matter of fact/ You can call me Pavlov’s dog/Ring a bell and I’ll salivate/How’d you like that?”- The Barenaked Ladies “Brian Wilson”

9. “I am thinking it’s a sign/that the freckles in our eyes/ are mirror images and /when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned”- The Postal Service “Such Great Heights”

10. And of course, it’s wrong not to have some Beatles: “Picture yourself in a boat on a river/ With tangerine trees and marmalade skies/Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly/A girl with kaleidoscope eyes”- The Beatles “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”

And let me be clear. These are not necessarily my favourite songs. That’s a whole other post for another day. So I’ve shared a few of mine- what are yours?

*Okay that’s a lie. Brookem isn’t the biggest tequila fan.

** I really had to specify that this list only counts for today. Because tomorrow, I will think of ten different ones and I don’t want anyone to think that this is my list for forever. Because I can’t make a list of my all-time favourite lyrics. That would be like asking me to pick a favourite child shoe.

The past week has been a complete blur really.  For all of us.  It’s hard to keep track of the date and what actual day it is, when your once somewhat normal life has shifted into something completely different. 

I finally caught a quick minute here, and thought it might help me to write some things out, in an effort to gather my thoughts and gain a little clarity and perspective on the events that are going on right now.  But as I sit down here, I feel very much mute, a bit numb, and am lacking both the composure to write out my thoughts here like I want to, and also the capability to get my thoughts straight to begin to do so.

I am not one of those people who likes to leave things up in the air, where when you read something, or listen to a voicemail, you wonder “what the hell is going on with them?”  But there are some things, some things that you just can’t really say in a short, quick message, voicemail, text, or blog post.  And sometimes, even making the effort to at least try and get it out, makes you feel better.  Calling a friend to update them on things, leaving a voicemail to let them know that at least something is up.  This is the case here. 

Suffice it to say, that my grandfather is not doing well.  The good thing is that he is at home, and he is comfortable.  Surrounded by those that love him, those that mean the most to him.  Trying to live his remaining days with as much peace and comfort as possible.  Getting the chance that he would have never gotten, had he stayed in the hospital, to visit with his family and close friends to say things that may have otherwise gone unsaid in such a sterile environment as a hospital is.  He is where he wants to be.  At home, with his loved ones, spending this time as he would want to.  With no regrets.

And I have never in my life met a stronger individual.

On New Year’s Eve morning I was at the gym (on the elliptical, next to a really cute guy, with a Lance Armstrong bracelet (bonus), and a wicked good HOH (obviously big big bonus) with a nice smile (real good)).  I was reading Glamour when I came across an article on “beauty non resolutions.”  The article talked about resolutions for 2008 that one will not do.  I loved the idea.  I’m not typically one to go making big ambitious resolutions for the year ahead.  I’m more of a spur of the moment type of girl with that kind of thing, so for instance, if there’s something throughout the year that I decide I want to change, I try my best to just tackle it right then and there.  And really, tell me who these people are who actually stick with these big resolutions anyway?  I for one, don’t need to have a reason to see how I’m not accomplishing something or not achieving some goal.  I like the idea better about reflecting upon what I will not do.  Seems more my speed.

In 2008 I will not…

• Feel bad about doing what I want to do, when I want to do it
• Set foot into Blockbuster.  I hate the service I received there over a year ago and will not go back there, ever.
• Let emails go more than one week without at least a short and quick reply.  At least something.
• Feel bad about getting a manicure whenever the hell I feel like it, even if I’m strapped for $$.
• Go to bed without washing my face.  I am pretty good at this as it is, but it’s not something I want to let slide.
• Feel like I need to write here, just to have a new post up. 
• Chase tequila with beer.  It’s a proven fact that by doing this, I will a- not be able to hack it (as much as I think I can, despite past experiences), b- find myself in sexual “situations” with “platonic” friends (sometimes not a bad thing mind you, yet at times, not good), and c- be quite hung the next day, at work.
• Not wear my seat belt at all times.
• Think it’s a good idea to try shrimp.  Again.  For the eighth time.  It’s never been a good idea and it never will be.
• Cross my arms so much.  I know it’s bad body language.  I don’t do it to ward people off, but I know that’s the signal I might be giving.  I do it because I’m cold or just… bored.  I’ll dress warmer and find someone to people watch when I need entertainment.
• Makeout with an ex boyfriend.  Especially him.  Not a good idea back a couple months ago, never going to be a good idea, ever.
• Be the girl that is okay with listening to a past flame’s stories about he and his new lovebug.  I’m just not… cool with that.  Why pretend to be?
• Beat myself up if I skip a couple workouts, eat too many Cheez-Its, keep postponing signing up for that pilates class that I want to, or drink too many martinis.
• Try and run around and make my lunch two minutes before I need to leave for work.  What happened to the nightly lunch making routine I was once in?
• Let my clean laundry stay in folded piles all over my bedroom floor for weeks days.
• Avoid the regular maintenance of my car so much. 
• Straighten my hair so often.  I love my waves!
• Ever, ever feel guilty about any purchase of shoes.
• Let a crush go on for too long before either doing something about it, or shutting up about it.
• Settle.

What do you resolve to not do in 2008?